We Met Our Goal!! (GoFundMe Update6)

Good news! We've reached our fundraising goal and even surpassed it a bit, at a final amount of $5,114 given. THANK YOU!


This last donation of $1,000 took us completely by surprise. It is with tremendous feelings of gratitude and love that we close our GoFundMe campaign for medical costs.

*deep breath*

I wonder what the future holds for us. Thanks to the generosity of all of you, it doesn't hold copious amounts of medical debt. In the interim, we have armed ourselves with catastrophic insurance so financial ruin won't be as much of a threat in future troubles.

They say the only constant is change. This feels like an understatement after the Year of Abigail Réileen. So much has changed. Most of all, we have changed. In light of the gifts we have been so graciously given in our time of need, we go forward with faith in God, faith in our fellow man, and optimism for the unknown future.

See you around! May God bless and keep you in His loving hands.

A Difficult Question

Source: https://pixabay.com/illustrations/question-mark-question-response-1019820/

I was talking to someone while I was at Simulations Week and they asked me how many siblings I had. That was a very hard question to answer at the time. Did that include siblings in heaven? I almost wanted to reply that I had four siblings, because that was my usual answer. But now it was different, because of the birth and passing of Abby.

Luckily, families can be together forever. In fact, Families Can Be Together Forever is like Abigail's theme song. We sang it to her when she was born as shown here:

I had been asking God for quite a while for a sister. That is exactly what I got last February, just not in the way I thought. I expected a sister that would live on earth for a long time, but that wasn't quite the case. Abigail is even more special than I had imagined. An angel sibling is still a sibling.

So obviously, this question was not as difficult as I thought it was at the time. I have five siblings. Layne, Ben, Daniel, Corbin, Abigail, and any other siblings that may be waiting in heaven to come to live on the earth.

And I want to share my life with them through all eternity.

Thriving and Growing (GoFundMe Update5)

Twenty-four days ago we launched a GoFundMe campaign to cover the medical costs from Abigail's birth and my postpartum healthcare. You all responded so generously, and we are now $779 away from our goal! THANK YOU!

I am still experiencing troubling symptoms, but it isn't all the time and I have hope of finding answers. This coming month will be one of testing and trying different things to see what helps with my full recovery. In the meantime, there is family and there is joy.

Sam, the day after returning from Simulations Week

Corbin, Ben, Daniel, and Layne enjoying each other

The little boys all started copying Layne and following him around the house. While other times this might have annoyed him, Layne chose to laugh at it and take advantage, making his brothers put on a show. "La, la, la, la, la--hey!"

Sam recently returned from a leadership camp put on by Ensign Peak Academy. He shared some of the fun experiences he had. As part of the architect guild he designed and built two buildings for the new city, a theatre and a dance studio. The first two days they designed them using Minecraft and then they built them from foam, hot glue, and other materials. Unfortunately, he forgot to take pictures of anything except for some silly door signs! He had a roommate who kept calling him Wesley because he "looks like a Wesley." The entire group of attendees sang a song about a beautiful city, which was the theme of the conference. They recorded it on video so I'll see if I can find and share that when it gets posted. Sam really liked the song. By the time we arrived home, he was too wired to want to sleep so we had to send him to bed. So much excitement for four days in a row!

Burst of Joy rose

Every rose that blooms in our gardens reminds me of Abigail. This one's name is Burst of Joy. Because Abigail means "Joy of the Father," this rose especially reminded me of her. Every new bloom in Abigail's garden brings me so much joy. I believe they bring her joy, too.

Father's Day at Abigail's gravesite

Abigail's new flower arrangement

For some reason, it makes me indefinably happy to put new fabric flowers in Abigail's memorial vase. This time I chose a few of my childhood favorites: hibiscus like we grew in Arizona when I was a young girl, and Gerbera daisies, which were my favorite in college.

Abigail's new baby tree - a honey locust

The tree by Abigail's grave died during the winter, along with a few other young trees in the cemetery, and we were joyful to see them all replaced when we visited Abigail's grave for Father's Day. The new tree by Abigail's grave is a baby honey locust tree. Its little green leaves are so abundant and cheerful. I can't help but imagine how happy she is to see things growing around her.

Abigail's family is thriving. We miss her every day. Every day. That will never change. But she is not totally gone. She is here with us and we are reminded of her gentle influence in so many ways, from day to day.

Here's your Dumbledore quote for the day:
“The ones who love us never really leave us, you can always find them in here.”

Upheld by My Righteous, Omnipotent Hand

I wrote this at the stroke of midnight last evening:

A verse popped into my head today. That happens quite often; music is my balm. Today it was from a hymn written by a regular person but in the first person voice of God. It strikes me every time we sing this in church that we are singing as if we are God speaking to us. Because it's church, we usually only get through three or four verses due to time constraints. But verse 7 has always been my favorite and that's the verse that went through my head and into my heart today:

How Firm a Foundation

Verse 7:

The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose

 I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes;

 That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,

 I’ll never, no never, I’ll never, no never,

 I’ll never, no never, no never forsake!

 

 (Text: Attr. to Robert Keen, ca. 1787. Included in the first LDS hymnbook, 1835.

 Music: Attr. to J. Ellis, ca. 1889)

Maybe it is the number of times the promise is repeated that He will not forsake those who trust Him, but the power of this verse stays with me because it reminds me that God's promises are sure. Sure. Certain. All earthly promises are only a shadow and mimic of His promises. Though the heavens and the earth pass away, His word will not pass away but will all be fulfilled.

I'll end this with Verse 3, which is much more often sung in church and also bears the promise of aid and deliverance:

Verse 3:

Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed,

 For I am thy God and will still give thee aid.

 I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,

 Upheld by my righteous, upheld by my righteous,

 Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

I am in His hand.

And so are you.

Seeking Joy, Choosing Light (GoFundMe Update4)

We went to the local pond yesterday instead of the organized field trip to the lake because I wasn't strong enough to take the kids on an adventure without my husband and he had work during that time. I'm grateful he works from home and was able to take us all to the local pond for a half hour during lunch, just long enough to watch everyone shiver in the cold water, tread water, and brave the rope swing! There is still joy in our lives, in the midst of unknown causes of mysterious health problems and missing Abigail every day.

We are so grateful to God for you. If we had known from the start the hospital was going to discount our final amount due so much, we probably would have tried to cover all the costs of Abigail's birth and our emergency care ourselves. Like most people, we don't love asking for help. But if we had known from the start, then we would not have asked our friend Mike to help us tell Abigail's story in a short, sweet video that sums up a lifetime in just a few minutes. We wouldn't have shared this so widely, and all of the thousands of people who watched Abigail's video would have missed out.

We also would have missed out on knowing what incredibly kind and generous people we have surrounding us in this moment.

My dad meeting Abigail

I think God meant for this to happen. All of it. Sometimes I almost think I understand, though I can only see a small part of the grand plan. I know He loves us. I know there's more to life than what we see. I have found a reason to choose the light every day. That's the miracle of Abigail for me and our family. We choose light because it's where Abigail rests. We choose light because it's the home of our someday reunion.

God bless you in your own challenges as you choose light over darkness, kindness over isolation, and hope over despair. May God be with you in peace and joy!

GoFundMe for Medical Costs

The Dream About the Well

Soure: https://pixabay.com/photos/journal-write-blank-pages-notes-2850091/

Happy Father's Day!

A couple of days ago I remembered a dream that I had in August 2017. I went searching for it in my journal today and found it. Here is what it said:

...I had a dream that we were at a pool and were having so much fun! But most of the time, I was underwater [and] not breathing! Mom and Dad were having so much fun that  Corbin climbed into a well [because he wasn't being watched]. He fell down and drowned. I felt so sad. Before I could tell Mom and Dad, I saw a magician. He looked very poor. He had a cape and claimed that he could do everything. I asked him if he could make my brother alive again. The magician agreed. He pointed his wand to the well. The well was at the pool, so the water went down and came back up on the sides and fell down again. There was no pail. When the magician pointed his wand at the well, Corbin stood up and climbed up the well. and I was amazed! Corbin was alive again!

The moral? All's well that ends well!

All joking aside. I understand now that this dream wasn't about Corbin, though it was at the time. Now it's about Abigail. She fell into a well, metaphorically speaking. My whole family was sad and wished that she could have stayed longer

But her Heavenly Father, the greatest magician of all, recieved her into his glory. Abigail is not dead, and when we see her in heaven someday, we will be amazed and happy.

And we will realize that death is only a part of life.

Source:https://pixabay.com/photos/wishing-well-well-old-wood-wooden-76869/

Completion (GoFundMe Update3)

Phew, I just turned in my final literature review and the last assignment in my Neuroscience Advanced Writing class! I am done with another class! Pre-paper, my grade is 99% so I'm feeling pretty hopeful for an A in the class.

Since I'm closing the book, so to speak, on this class, I put all of the studies I read for the final paper into a binder. This doesn't include the online textbook reading I also did. Even though I wouldn't put this class up there with Biology and Chemistry in terms of difficulty, it was a challenge to read and interpret the data I chose to write about. I am just as relieved to see this class come to a close as I was excited about it beginning.

I hoped that studying neural tube defects after Abigail died from one would be therapeutic, and it definitely has been. It's also been extremely emotional at times, as all therapeutic treatments are. I had a mini health crisis in the middle of the term, but fortunately it wasn't on a day we had class. Doing it all online, thanks to Covid-19, actually saved me from having to travel by myself thirty-five minutes each way after a fainting episode of unknown cause. I don't know if Fall semester will be online, too, but I'm grateful at least that this term and next term are online.

I was also added yesterday to a Facebook support group for survivors of AFE (amniotic fluid embolism). The first thing I did was look up "vasovagal syncope" to see if it was something commonly experienced by AFE survivors. I was actually relieved when I found that others had similar experiences. I have a lot to process now because I've been warned that Sheehan's Syndrome is common after AFE. I already knew from my own scary experience losing consciousness that I would need to be aware of my nutrient levels, particularly electrolytes. This was a heads up that hormone levels may also be an issue. I am hoping vitamins will help my body to start regulating its own hormones so I won't need to supplement with synthetic hormones.

Who knew this experience would make me an expert in so many little known diseases? 😊

Our GoFundMe campaign to cover our medical expenses has been going so well, thanks to the generosity of so many new and old friends, family, and even a few friends of friends. Your kindness and gifts have blessed us in two ways: 1) the financial relief which cannot be overstated! and 2) the emotional relief to see such love expressed. We know we are not alone in this, the most difficult experience of our lives. Thank you!

We stand at $3,614 raised with GoFundMe and $129 donated outside.

That means we still need $1,329 to reach our goal and pay all the medical bills. Please consider sharing this fundraiser link:

https://gf.me/u/x7ftk4

I'll close by sharing a few pictures of the flowers blooming in Abigail's memorial garden in our front yard right now.

yellow snapdragon

pink and white begonias

purple violas

a budding white shasta daisy