Thoughts About Abigail

I have not written in a while because I wasn't sure what I would say after Abigail left. I have different feelings everyday, but I always find myself in deep thought whenever someone says her name.

Source: https://pixabay.com/photos/baby-hand-infant-child-father-2416718/

Abigail's name means "gives joy" and is very, very accurate because of the angel she is. In Hebrew, it means "my father's joy" and though I'm not her father, she is my joy as well. In fact, she is her brother's joy. According to Wikipedia, Abigail is "an itelligent, beautiful, loyal woman" which I am sure she would have been if she had lived longer on this earth. It brings me peace to know that that is exactly how she is described in heaven right now.

You would almost think that Abigail would have been able to stay on this earth and that she would be completely fine. It would seem that the two cleft pallets would soon heal and there would only be two identical scars on either side of her face that would hardly be visible. Maybe her brain would finally fully develop and the placenta would be able to be carefully removed from it. She would grow up just like any other child except for her undersized feet and fingers.

But this was not to be. She would return home to her Heavenly Father in 22 and a half hours, letting every one of her siblings hold her before she had to do so. Abigail would leave her oldest brother in tears once he held her. He is now very thankful that someone had donated blankets and that he had one to cry into. He has promised that he would never wash the tears out.

If I had to use one word to describe Abigail, it would be love and--if you gave me another one--I would choose joy. Not just because that's what her name is, but because that is what she is. She is my hope, she is my heart, she is my joy.

And I am glad that she's mine.

Born the Same Month as Her Brother

Source: https://pixabay.com/photos/michelangelo-abstract-boy-child-71282/

My birthday is coming up tomorrow (Feb 8th), but I'm not quite as excited for that as I am for Abigail's birth. I used to think that it was coming in March, which was true until Mom decided to have an early one on the 25 of Feburary. "Is that OK?" she asked me. I was astonished. Why would that not be OK? Then it hit me. My mom was born the same month that her older brother was. My uncle's birthday is a day before my mom's. He is exactly 4 years and a day older than her. Now I saw why my mom asked me that question.

I am both excited and nervous for Abigail's birth. Being nervous can be a good thing sometimes. I once went to a Tween Author Boot Camp. I was very nervous. The last thing I expected to happen was that I would win. Those who didn't win were thrown into a pit (I just made that up but it was still pretty scary). I won first place in my age zone. That experience exceeded my expectations greatly. I'm glad I didn't have pride before I knew the results because I would have had less enthusiasm finding out that I won. I believe that being nervous for Abby's birth is a virtue. I know that she will bring love to our family. I know that she will do other great things for us that we just don't know about yet.

Source: https://pixabay.com/illustrations/puzzle-heart-love-two-hearts-1721592/

I can tell that my little sister's birth will be a very special one. I can feel her love and I know that she will never really die. I will always have room in my heart for her. Nothing can give me more peace than to know that she will always be here with me. I am proud to say that I have an angel as a sister. Abby is my angel friend now and forever.

BIRTH UPDATE:

Abigail's birth was very special. You could just feel the love reflecting off of Abby and onto everyone else. She is and was a very special baby and we love her just as much as she loves us.

That Unsettling Feeling

Source: https://pixabay.com/photos/children-siblings-brother-sister-817365/

I love my sister. She may not be here physically, but she is always will me spiritually and I pray for her and I think about her everyday. I have been wanting a sister for a long time. My prayers are being answered, just not in the way that I expected or even wanted to expect. I know that my sister isn't going to have a perfect physical body but I know that she is going to have a flawless and whole body in heaven and that she will be waiting there for us. And I know that her spiritual body is and will be very beautiful. Here is my version of the story:

Today I was very excited. I was going to BYU with my family! We were going to eat chocolate-covered cinnamon bears and visit the bookstore. I hopped into the car with my family and we drove to the campus. After that, we were going to get an ultrasound for mom. Me and my siblings were really hoping for a little sister. 

Mom had some classes she had to go to. We waved to her goodbye and she went on her way. You can't forget the walk all the way to the building. Dad, my brothers, and I did all kinds of things like rolling down the huge slope and getting some snacks (remember the chocolate-covered cinnamon bears?). We went to the bookstore and to the art gallery.

It took a while but we finally got together with mom again. We drove to the place where we would get the ultrasound. When we got word that we were having a sister I was very excited. Though, I didn't feel the same excitement that I did for the last baby.

Something didn't feel right.

Sure enough, there was something that the ultrasound guy didn't recognise. He told my parents to get another ultrasound from someone with more experience. I looked at one of Abby's pics and saw that there was something probably blocking her face. Or was that just my imagination? 

I tried not to be too worried and told myself that it was going to be okay. I just hoped that my mom and the baby was going to be okay. 

Later, I got news that Abby had a syndrome. My mom said that it was anencephaly. Anencephaly. Anecepyhaly. That sounded familiar. It was in my mom's Neurobiology book! I was not expecting this! My sister had a syndrome that my mom was studying in Neurobiology! 

Source: https://pixabay.com/illustrations/brain-anatomy-human-science-health-512758/

I was sad as I tried to hammer the reality into my head. I was finally getting a sister and she was going to be deformed! I knew that I was going to find peace eventually. I knew that God was willing to help me in my sorrows. And most importantly, I knew that Abigail and I would be together for all eternity.