Abigail's Eulogy

Abigail’s Eulogy


4 summers ago, our family took a 3 week trip to visit their grandparents who were serving a mission in the Ohio Kirtland Mission. At one of our stops, we were in Kentucky on an incredibly rain soaked day. We had stopped at KFC to eat dinner, we were in Kentucky so why not, and on the prayer for the food, I had also asked Heavenly Father to stop the rain long enough so we could get our tent set up for the night. As we were leaving KFC, the rain stopped until the exact moment our tent was up,  at which point the downpour started once again.

When Katrina and I first heard about Abigail’s diagnosis of anencephaly, we watched a video of a family whose child had a very similar condition. They told how they were given 10 hours to spend with their sweet child before he passed. I remember praying that evening to Heavenly Father pleading if we could just get 10 hours with Abigail I would be the happiest person alive.

We were given 22.5 sweet hours to spend with Abigail. During that time, Katrina died for 20-30 seconds, I almost passed out a few times, Abigail was given a blessing with dad, uncle Tim and Grandpa Lantz, all of her brothers got to hold her and sing to her and tell her stories, she was taken care of by many sweet nurses from the NICU and ICU at Utah Valley Hospital and just loved by everyone. As imperfect as her body was, she was able to breathe and stay alive so much longer than anyone could have guessed or hoped for. We were afraid people would be scared to look at her face, but besides initial reactions from some of our kids, everyone looked at her with nothing but love in their eyes. She passed away a day after she was born, comfortably laying on her mother, touching skin to skin for the last moments of her life. The NICU doctor came in to check her heartbeat and found it was beating a very long 1-3 seconds apart. He waited a few minutes to check again and found that Abigail’s heart had stopped completely. She was a fighter until the very end.

Abigail’s life exemplifies how our Heavenly Father is with us. No matter how imperfect we are and how hard we struggle, our Heavenly Father loves us with an intensity we earthly parents can almost imagine. And as we struggle, He is there holding onto us, doing whatever he can to help us on the right path, comforting us, wanting us to succeed, just like we hoped and prayed that Abigail would succeed. And even when we think our prayers are in vain, our Heavenly Father hears us and answers us just in the way we need it, not always how we want it or ask for it, but how we need it. Just like He stopped the rain for us and gave us an eternity with Abigail here on Earth.

There were so many miracles surrounding Abigail. We typically only get one ultrasound during the pregnancy and that is only so we can know the gender. But this time around, things were a little different. We got an ultrasound at 8 weeks because Katrina wanted to see the baby’s heartbeat, again at 16 weeks so we could find out the gender. Another one at 22 weeks to see a specialist so they could try to identify what was going on around her head area. Each time we went in for another ultrasound, the news got worse and worse. Around 31 weeks we went in and our worst fear was realized, we were going to have to have a c-section, otherwise we would have little chance of seeing our Abigail alive or Katrina could die. And even though this wasn’t great news, we were happy that we might even have the littlest chance of seeing her alive. In the case of this pregnancy, if we would have tried to have a home birth like we typically do, Katrina’s life would have been in real danger. I know we were guided to get all those ultrasounds so that Katrina’s life could be safe. We had many people that were put in our path, like skilled surgeons who were able to get Abigail out safely and a calm anesthesiologist who was able to give Katrina a shot of epinephrine to restart her heart. For a talented maternal fetal medicine doctor who was able to diagnose Abigail’s amniotic band syndrome and show us how Abigail was tied up in the placenta, but also give us a glimmer of hope that we would see Abigail alive. Even after Abigail had passed, we were being watched over as a semi truck pulled in front of our car and dropped a beam on the road just as we switched over a lane. We feel that Abigail is watching over us now.

Abigail leaves this world loved by all who had the opportunity to be around her.

I’m reminded of the words from one of my favorite scriptures, Romans 8:18 “For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be found in us.” Abigail lived her suffering on this Earth and there is no doubt that her calling and election has been made sure and that she is back with her Father In Heaven once again.

Katrina had prepared a playlist to be played during the c-section and one of the songs on the playlist is our song “Come What May”, which we have sung together multiple times. It was the second song on the playlist and at the moment that song was playing, Abigail was brought out of the womb. It is such a special moment to be able to share that song with the birth of Abigail. Now that song has so much more meaning to me.


Never knew I could feel like this

Like I've never seen the sky before

Want to vanish inside your kiss

Every day I love you more and more

Listen to my heart

Can you hear it sing?

Telling me to give you everything

Seasons may change, winter to spring

But I love you until the end of time

Come what may, come what may

I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace

Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste

It All revolves around you

And there’s no mountain too high

No river too wide

Sing out this song

And I’ll be there by your side

Storms clouds may gather, stars may collide

But I love you, till the end of time

Come what may, come what may

I will love you until my dying day