Becoming My Better Self

There have been so many emotions going through me these past few months. At first, I didn't know how to deal with the sadness and grief. Ask Katrina and she will tell you I've never been much of a crier (she once called me "heartless" as a joke). So now all of a sudden I'm feeling these emotions regularly that I haven't had to feel on a regular basis before. But I know that one overall feeling that I've had more of is the feeling to be my best self.

It started with my weight loss journey (of which at the moment I'm 30 lbs down). I knew I wanted to feel good about myself and my weight loss from just eating fewer calories had slowed down. I knew to become my best self, I needed to do more. That's when I got online and found a local half marathon that I could run in. It just so happened to be the day after my birthday. I've signed up for a half marathon before, but it ended up getting cancelled and I hurt myself running my own 13 miles. It's been a long journey back since then, but I felt ready for it. The first few runs were difficult. I never really rehabbed from the last injury and I was more overweight then last time I trained. I distinctly remember going 2 miles and then having to go home because my knee hurt. But I persevered. I put in the practice. I learned I could no longer go running and not stretch afterwards, which I've done before. I learned to listen to my body and slow down when necessary and when to head home when I had enough. I learned what paths my body could take and which ones made certain parts of my body hurt. I learned that when my body tells me to stop to go to the bathroom, you do it.

I've learned so much about myself just by running than I've learned by doing anything else. And with that, I've learned how to let my emotions go. Just like my father-in-law was there to give me tips on my long runs, I've got people around me to listen when I'm having trouble. I've got people here to metaphorically and physically put my head on their shoulders. And I've got a Heavenly Father who is there to listen. I've learned that even though I'm on the long run of life, I'm never quite alone.

And during this time, I've become a better person. Before, I've always had a hard time doing things daily that I know I should. I've tried throughout my life to pray daily and read from the scriptures.  It wasn't until recently that I've been able to do it. I'm becoming my better self little by little. And as I become my better self, I know I'm preparing myself to see my Abigail once again in heaven. And I look forward to that day more than anything.

I was reading today my father's thoughts on his step/adoptive father and it made me miss my Abigail so much and I'm grateful that I'm not expected to be a perfect person to do so, but I just need to try my best and my Father in Heaven will take care of the rest through His Only Begotten Son.